When living your dream isn't what you always dreamt...

For as far back as my memory will take me, all I wanted to be more than anything else in the world was a mother.  I desired it with every fiber of my being. I imagined having tons of children whom I would joyfully raise at home in a big country house with a white picket fence.  I would think of meals that I wanted to make for my babies, what I wanted to name them, how I wanted them to dress, wether or not I wanted boys, girls or a bit of both.  I would just DREAM, dream and dream some more. The pictures of my motherhood drawn in the imagination of my little mind were bright and vivid, filled with color and oozing of blissful, idyllic living!

The inexplainable impact of sleep deprivation never occurred to me.  The gripping fear of the "what-ifs" and "how-comes" never crossed my mind.  The painful realization that, like me, my children are sinners in need of a Savior was unforeseen. The reality that even the most mild-mannered of people lose their temper from time time did not fit into the image of me lovingly and gently smiling over my  giggling children while I whipped up a batch of homemade brownies, dressed to a tee (#stepfordstatus). That wasn't part of the dream.  In fact, in all honesty, there are moments when I'm not sure if I'm living in a nightmare LOL!

Most of the time I DO smile lovingly over my kids, but not always.  I DO try to dress nice ("nice" of course is relative).  You better believe that I love to make brownies (albeit not always homemade). AND my kids don't always put their utter depravity on full display, for everyone in the middle of the grocery store to stare in complete shock (Thank God for His grace towards me:)).

My little ladies:)

But this dream that I am living is amazing.  It's real. It's raw. It's sanctifying. It's perfectly beautiful in the messiest of ways! Although its easy to grow tired, discouraged, unmotivated, complacent and frustrated with the daily, mundane grind of motherhood, all I have to do is look into the sweet and gentle brown eyes of my girls and I am reminded of one thing: I AM A MOTHER! I AM LIVING MY DREAM! Jesus has brought it to pass! HE IS FAITHFUL.  That TRUTH fuels me when I'm tired from a long night up with a teething baby. That TRUTH inspires me when I'm lacking in creativity when it comes to homemaking. That TRUTH grounds me with a providential perspective of salvation and sanctification when I'm dealing with a 3 year old who thinks she's 30, convinced that she doesn't need to obey.

Every aspect of motherhood may not be exactly what I planned, but I'm praising Jesus today that It's far better than I could have ever dreamed or imagined.

"God can do anything, you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!" 

Ephesians 3:20

Oh, yes. Yes He can.