Mommy Wars

A while back I read a book about motherhood that tackled the idea of principle vs. method when it comes to rearing adorable little people.  The more time that goes by as a mommy and the more time I spend around other mommies I finally understand the author's passion about the issue.  Any mommy knows that it takes a matter of seconds for a fun afternoon at the park or swim at the pool with other moms and babes to turn volatile.  All someone has to do is mention schedules, feeding, discipline, education, the word "organic", essential oils, birth experiences or any other popular mommy topic.  We mommies are SO passionate and steadfast in our mothering convictions that asking us to speak to our views on any of those topics is essentially handing us a microphone, turning it up to the highest volume, placing us on the top of a mountain and giving us free reign to practically preach like a good ole' southern baptist preacher. Think dripping sweat from our brow, growling and thundering voice, jumping up and down, piercing eyes...you get the picture.  Whenever these topics arise it is SO easy to try to prove to everyone in the group that our way is the RIGHT way.  Now granted, there are some things in life that are just proven to be better choices than others.  Some things are not as "gray" as some of us wish they were just as some things are not as "black and white" even if we feel that they are.  In essence, we tend to confuse principle with method.

Here's an example:

In regards to feeding babies/toddlers/children, making sure that they are fed is the PRINCIPLE.  Choosing to make this happen with a feeding schedule vs. on demand, organic vs. nonorganic, breastfed vs. bottle-fed, are all METHODS of applying the principle.  None of those options are WRONG. Yes, some of those options may be more beneficial, but it doesn't make the alternate choices WRONG.  The most important thing is that we are applying the PRINCIPLE.  Our babies need to eat and they need to do so regularly.

Mommies often wage war with each other over issues that at the end of the day are not the most important.  As christian mommas, we should always seek to hold each other to the PRINCIPLES of motherhood. So if we notice that our friend prefers homeschooling to public school, or an organic homemade cake to a Costco cake, feeding on demand rather than a schedule, or perhaps a Diet Coke to a Kombucha then we should think twice before we get up on our high horse and start getting critical.  It DOESN'T mean that we can't share our convictions on those matters and even try to persuade our friends to maybe try it our way, but we shouldn't have the posture of "I have it all figured out and am without fallibility."  

The importance of us as mothers being WISE with our application of principles in the methods we choose cannot be stressed enough.  As mommies, we should be informed. Ignorance is not an excuse.  If you choose to breastfeed over bottle-feed with formula, then have good reasons for doing so and vice versa.  If your trying to decide between homeschooling and public school, then do some research! Ask questions! Talk to other moms. Reflect on your own educational history.  Seek the LORD's will and then make an educated and prayerful choice.  Always weigh out the pros and cons of various methods and prayerfully make good decisions!

I know what it feels like to be strongly convicted about something and have good reasons for it.  But my personal methods are not LAW and I have to remind myself of that everyday. So I hope that we mommies can come alongside of each other and support one another in upholding principles, but will be gentle and cautious in our recommending of methods. xoxo